I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
