Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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