woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
How naked do you want me to be?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
