Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
