dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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