I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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