i permit you to call me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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