Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
