doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
