Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
