I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
