Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
