I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
