I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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