we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
