and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
