whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
