4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
