Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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