This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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