i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
