Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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