Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
