We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
