I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
