and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
