and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
