My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
