Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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