my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
