is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
