While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Boobs speak an international language.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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