there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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