So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
