just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
