He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just high enough for therapy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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