Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
