Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
