all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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