Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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