i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think I sprained my soul last night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
