Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
