i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
