so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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