i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
