mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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