i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
