I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
