And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
