He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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