Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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