I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
