I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
