i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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